why is it valentines day…..basically there was a dude named valentine, who was a bishop in the catholic church in 270 in rome…..thats christianity for all you people going to hell…..but this is when the romans had everything on lock down and christianity was not even the official relegion/they had there own gods…..that would not happen until about another 100yrs when most of that stuff that jesus guy said a few 100’d yrs ago the nailed to a cross started happening and coming true…..basically claudius II , the roman emperor made a new rule saying that all soldiers in the roman army did not need to be married and need to have children……basically if you are going to defend the empire and expand it for me i dont need you flappin and making babies and dealing with a crazy wife…..but this catholic bishop valentine started marrying young lovers in secret….he got caught….put in jail….then ol boy falls in love with the jailors daughter while being locked up….also he tries to convert claudius to christianity while being in jail…..big dawg did not like that and sentenced him to be killed…..aka cut his head off…..before they sliced ol boy he wrote his sweetheart a final letter expressing his undieing love for her and signed the thing your valentine…..then on feb 24th they cut his head off….rude boys birthday!!!!!!
this made valentine a hero and he would be labeled a patron saint……hence saint valentine…..which lead to a festival named in his honor every feb 14th in which romans would write and give letters to the ones they loved expressing affection for the ones they wanted to formally see….aka flap!!!!

which a few white dudes took about 100 yrs ago and said hey, lets take atvantage of this situation and get rich and make stupid people think this day has something to do with candy/ a fat kid with a bow and arrow/ flowers/ and cards/….it worked…..another get rich idea i missed out on.

~Doof